Crying To God In Winter

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about seasons.  Despite what many Northerners believe, we do have changing seasons here in Texas.  I love the changes, but I do have my favorite times of the year.

Summer is my favorite season by far.  That may sound strange since summers in Texas can bring brutal temperatures and ungodly humidity.  But, there is something magical about summer.

Walking outside in the early morning in a tshirt, shorts and flip flops makes me feel unencumbered. And, the warm sun on my face feels like love upon my skin.  You know how love makes you feel warm all over?  On those warm summer mornings sitting on the porch, looking at the way the sun reflects on the lake like millions of diamonds sparkling brightly, I feel close to God.

Our bald eagle sightings are far more frequent in summer than any other time of year. God speaks to me through these majestic birds, as well as the hawks that live near us.  When I am blessed to spot an eagle flying over the lake looking for an aquatic meal, I hear God speaking to my heart. I feel His presence and His love for me, personally.  I'm convinced He is sending me love letters in the form of these birds that I love, and in many other ways through his earthly creations.

Now that I'm writing these thoughts, I realize the true reason I love summer more than any other time of year.  It is because I feel God's love and His spirit so much more powerfully when I'm spending time experiencing nature and the incredible creatures around us.

But, I've been thinking more about winter these days.  Not so much the season of winter that is upon us, but the seasons of winter in our lives.  To be sure, we all experience winter. It's a time of bleakness, uncomfortable cold, and sometimes utter darkness.  I've survived many a winter in my life.  Times of despair.  Times of hopelessness.  Times of hunger.

In the midst of these cold seasons of life, when I've felt I could not go on one more day, when winter had taken a heavy toll upon my soul, I inevitably reach for Jesus, in desperation, asking for answers, begging for the pain to stop, questioning why a loving God would allow me to suffer so.

He doesn't always bring me the answers I seek, or lift the pain with the snap of His fingers, but when I finally turn to God in my suffering, I find solace.  I find comfort.  I find He is and always was there. And, in time, I find joy again.

Because we live in an imperfect world, winter will visit us again and again.  Sometimes it is mild and spring arrives so quickly we hardly notice that we experienced a darker time and our challenges are easily forgotten. Other times the harshness of our winter threatens to overwhelm us to the point of annihilation, and in those moments we have no choice but to cry out to God for help.  There is nowhere else to turn, and if we don't cry out we will surely die.

Your might isn’t in numbers, and your power isn’t in the strength of a human being. But you are the God of the humble. You are a helper of the underdog, defender of the weak, protector of those who despair, savior of those without hope. - Judith 9:11

More winters are coming.  A harsh one is on the horizon.  Lord, I need you now. Sweet Jesus, thank you for suffering for me so that I can remember the hope I have during the terrible winters.  A hope of everlasting life, a joy so complete that it will banish all winters into oblivion.  Thank you that I can find joy even in winter, knowing that summer is coming.

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. - Isaiah 40:31

Be love and be blessed,

Remembering

I will never forget that horrible day. It began as routinely as any other day, and held the promise of wonderful possibilities.  But, before morning had the chance to rush to it's secret finale, that promise was destroyed.

On the phone that morning, a client alerted me to the news that an airplane had flown into a building in New York City.  Immediately, I turned on the TV and saw the image replayed.  My heart began beating faster as my hand rose to cover my mouth though that gesture failed to keep the audible gasp from escaping me.  I remember thinking "those poor passengers and crew" and "what was wrong with the airplane that the pilot would have lost control to the point of crashing into a skyscraper?".

As I continued to watch the film footage on the news, I cried out in terror when I saw the second plane hit the second tower. I don't remember the mental process of connecting what I had seen with what had actually happened, but it only took seconds for the reality to register - that this was no accident.  My heart broke into a million pieces and I crumbled in dismay.

This can't be real.  It's some kind of trick. I waited for the news agencies to reveal the hoax.  

They didn't. 

Part of me didn't want to know what I knew.  If only I could erase from my mind the images and words I'd already filed away in my brain.  But, I could not.  There was no escape now from the horror of the knowledge that an evil such as I'd never personally witnessed had, in fact, arrived, uninvited, on the doorstep of America.

Today, I remember.  I remember that evil can and does attack people and nations whether or not it is invited or expected.  I remember that shock and terror are paralyzing forces.  I remember that a nation of citizens no matter their race, politics, or religion can stand together in solidarity to mourn, to weep, to be vigilant, and to seek justice.  I remember that God is good and He grieves with us when our hearts are broken.

I remember.

One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Never forget.  September 11, 2001

Be love in a world that desperately needs it,

Meeting Jesus

It has been a difficult few weeks.  Yesterday, after learning a person I love has a devastating illness, I broke down.
 
I railed against God, I questioned, I screamed, I cried and I told God it wasn't fair and that I was mad at Him.  My head knows it is not His fault, and He did not cause this terrible thing to happen, but my heart was broken and I wanted Him to know the depth of my pain.
 
He listened and took my misguided anger, just as Jesus took my sins upon Himself on the cross.  God didn't flinch when I screamed and told Him He wasn't fair.
 
Right before turning the lights out for bed, I prayed that He would allow me to rest.  He did. I slept well despite my heartache.  When I awoke, I thanked Him right away for the good rest.
 
Often, I pray when I walk.  This morning I took a walk in the woods, and there I met Jesus.  When my eyes saw this, I fell to my knees and cried for mercy and strength.

 

 

"Lord, my suffering is nothing compared to what you suffered for all of us. But, I am hurting and I need you. Please show me the way."

 



And he answered, "My Word is a lamp unto thy feet and a light unto thy path."
 
Amen.

Be love and be blessed,